Mahmoud Salem
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Let's say that your country is having a fake referndum, one where you know that the dead will show up at miraclously and vote Yes for whatever shit Mubarak suggests, thus making your vote for no entirely useless. So, what do you do? Well, you could eitehr boycott the vote, go and vote no, or go and vote no a couple of time in order to level the playing field a little. You figure if they cheat, you should cheat too. Fight fire with fire and all. But how would you do that exactly?

Well, by following these "suggestions", cause you know I would never ever do that (right? right??):

1) At first you go to a polling station next to your House. Let's say the college of Fine Arts in Zamalek for example.

2) You go in, and they ask you for your Voting Card, and you tell them you don't have any. They then ask you if your name is in the voting rolls, and you say No. They will then ask for your regular ID, and then give you the piece of paper and you only have the option of saying Yes to all the ammendments or No to all the ammendments.

3) You vote No, put in your vote, and then dip your finger in the "unwashable" and "unremoveable" voting Ink.

4) You go to a Pharmacy, get nail-polish remover and remove the voting ink, and then wash the rest of it away.

5) You then go to the polling station right next to the AUC. They tell you that they will only let you vote without a voting card if you were born in Giza and not in Cairo, even though the AUC and the polling station is techniclaly in Cairo. Nevermind.

6) You give them your voting ID, which they check and sign and then give you the referendum paper and then ask you to dib your finger in the ink, so that you don't vote twice.

7) You go to the nearest Pharmacy, ask for nail-polish remover. If they don't have any, use a band-aid. It will cover up the ink on your finger completely!

8 ) You head to your real polling station in Heliopolis. You tell them that you don't have your voting ID card, but that You did find your name amongst the names in the list outside. They don't even bother checking.

9) You get your referndum paper and blah blah and yackity yack. After you are done you take off your Band-aid. You don't need it anymore!

10) Then you go home feeling better about yourself. Feeling positive and energetic. So Proud you are of your 3 votes you will write a post about the whole thing.

Any questions? 

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43 thoughts on “Leveling the playing field in 10 steps

  1. 11) Bus chords of illegals from neighboring countries to polling places.

    12) Pay them for voting.

    13) Take them back if they want.

  2. If this were America, I would say ” Hey, that’s voter fraud! You can’t do that!” ( we all know what happened in 2000 and 2004 so it does happen but through govt channels)…but it ain’t…and it’s Egypt and you can bc shit is messed up there and if you can do it , why the hell not? Good for you! I wish you told others like you to do the same.

  3. Liquid skin, it’s a band-aid substitue. cover the end of your finger, hell, cover your whole finger. Let it dry, vote, dip covered finger in ink, get out of sight and peel the ink stained liquid skin off. apply new liquid skin, look for another voting booth……etc……..etc……..etc.

  4. Man i wish i was over there, i would ve done a country wide polling station tour. I would ve ended up with no fingers to speak off but hell it would ve been so worth it. Fuck boycotts btw.

  5. Sam, please be careful! If those penis-heads read this, it would be enough grounds for them to hang you up by the short and curlys. These bastards don’t need even a loud fart, to run amok. They’ll put up your posts, on the front page of the Cairo Fishwrapper, and you meat is cooked.
    Sadly, while I hope all of Cairo is smart enough to do what you MIGHT have suggested, I suspect that Anus-head (mubarak–no caps!) will doctor the count, so no matter what the results are, we loose.

    Now in San Mateo.

  6. Hmm, I’m generally not much for sinking to ‘their’ level and doing the same shit that ‘they’ do, but then again I live in a country where most people wait for the walk-signal even though there’s not a car in sight – we have close to 0% voting irregularity…!

    Which means that the answer to your initial question is: “It simply wouldn’t happen”. 🙂

    Take care down there – I hope you countrymen wise up and start worrying about their freedom!

  7. […] בחוקה המצרית. קןף החול מתאר איך אדם היפוטתי היה עשוי להצביע שלוש פעמים במשאל.  « CSI […]

  8. Just read the headline on one of Germany’s bigger news websites: “Slap in the face for Mubarak at referendum”, and I really wonder if they even know what they are writing about. And also, why they didn’t write about the demonstration and the police beatings…

  9. Repost:

    Sandmonkey’s readers compare Egypt to pre-WW2 Germany. This is of course idiotic. Their are barely any similarities to be named (the “SS guards” are typical of many 3rd-world military police). I could understand this coming from the lips of an Egyptian Leftist, but not the thumb-sitting, eager beaver readers of this site (who lap up whatever fool’s wisdom the monkey offers).

    After all, Egypt is a US-friendly puppet state run by a bloated military dictator who could care less about politics or “his” constituents. The Egyptian populace is complacent, but fearful of Mubarak’s secret police. Their’s little possibility of overthrow.

    Ignoring post-2003 Iraq, Egypt is the second largest recipient of U.S. foreign aid. Israel is the first largest. Their must be some strategic reasoning behind aiding Mubarak’s regime. It’s surely not out of sympathy for the Egyptian people.

    Next, Egypt “recognizes” Israel’s “right” to shit on Palestinians. That is to say, it not only recognizes Israel’s illegally obtained statehood (so do most Palestinian groups), it doesn’t even hint at disapproval of Israel’s actions. Hell, Ireland is more vocal on Palestinian rights.

    Considering all of that, I doubt your dipshit readers would give a damn about the democratic resistance.

    P.S.: Why don’t you cover the White House’s reactions to the constitutional amendments? What’s “Freedom House”‘s ranking of Egyptian democracy?

  10. About the German comments.
    Other EU comments : a French radio mentionned the “referendum”, but not the demos. I had send infos about it but… silence. (Well I am a nemo, so who cares?) I do not know about other radios or TV.

  11. “War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things,” Mill wrote. “A man who has nothing which he is willing to fight for … is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.” John Stuart Mill

  12. Sam, the only constitutional amendment I agree with is the following:

    Article 5:
    Bans political activity/parties based on religion

    If that means banning the MB, I agree strongly with it.
    As for the others, it’s evident that they aim to strenghten the hand of Mubarak and undermine any prospect of democracy.

    The MB must be outlawed, his members thrown in prison, while the secular reformers must be released and allowed to sit in Parliament.

  13. I agree totally with Stefania above – religion has no place in politics and IMO a party should be banned from public elections if a religious agenda was the basis of it’s existance. This is a flaw in most western political systems as well, but usually it does not pose a problem here, so we tend to ignore it…

    For this reason I have mixed emotions about this referendum – I can’t make up my mind as to which is the greater evil. As a foreigner, I’d take Mubarak any day, but I can see the point of enlightened egyptians who feel their freedom draining minute by minute…! Sad that it seems you can’t have both!!! 🙁

  14. Mainstreaming the Muslim Brotherhood. (Hat tip: Scaramouche.)

    The simple fact is that Leiken and Brooke rely on the reader’s ignorance of the Brotherhood to try to make their point here. In the fifteen pages of their argument, there is only one oblique reference to the Brotherhood’s affiliate in the Palestinian territories, the terrorist group HAMAS. The HAMAS charter self-identifies itself as the Brotherhood chapter for that area, and the international organization has lent the terrorist group considerable financial and material support. This Brotherhood affiliate is the primary terrorist actor against Israel and its citizens on one of the most active fronts of the global jihad. No wonder, then, that Leiken and Brooke are hesitant to raise the issue of HAMAS as they argue that the “Moderate” Muslim Brotherhood has rejected jihad.

    Also receiving the silent treatment from Leiken and Brooke is the genocidal Brotherhood Islamic Salvation Front government of Sudan, who for years has waged jihad against Christians in the south of the country, and more recently, against non-Arab Muslims in Darfur. Millions of Sudanese have been slaughtered and displaced at the hands of the government in a country where the Brotherhood actually has established political control.
    Is this the BrotherHood everyone is talking about???
    One Brotherhood affiliate that pair mentions as an example of moderation is the Jordanian Islamic Action Front. And yet last year several IAF members of the Jordanian Parliament paid a condolence visit to the family of murderous Iraqi Al-Qaeda thug-in-chief, Abu Musab Al-Zaraqawi, following his “martyrdom” at the hands of two US laser-guided bombs. This is who Leiken and Brooke present us with to convince us of the Brotherhood’s policy of “rejecting jihad”. It should be clear at this point that the two are not only misrepresenting the organization’s statements and actions, but are manufacturing whole-cloth their “moderate” image of the Muslim Brotherhood.

  15. ” ( we all know what happened in 2000 and 2004 so it does happen but through govt channels)”

    *major eye rolling* at silly ignorant comment

  16. Adam B. said:

    “religion has no place in politics and IMO a party should be banned from public elections if a religious agenda was the basis of it’s existance”

    I wonder if the MB’s slogan last parliamentary elections of “ISLAM IS THE SOLUTION” would qualify as a religious agenda 🙂

    /sarcasm off.

    Egypt will NEVER EVER progress out of the 7th century until the Ikhwan are gone. Period. Now the trick is is to convince Egyptians of this.

  17. Let’s say that your country is having a fake referndum, one where you know that the dead will show up at miraclously and vote Yes for whatever shit Mubarak suggests, thus making your vote for no entirely useless.

    Since when did Egypt turn into Chicago?

  18. thats hillarious 😀
    kind of black comedy

    I was going to call u today to thank u guys again forall ur support
    u r so sweet “But I went home so late”
    and by the way, M H & you are invited to launch by me anytime u choose

    have fun

  19. The MB must be outlawed, his members thrown in prison, while the secular reformers must be released and allowed to sit in Parliament.

    The only type of democracy Sandprimate’s readers find acceptable is the kind that allows only secular, pro-Israel political parties to run.

    Fucking hypocrites. You’re no democrats.

  20. Majid,

    Stop generalizing. I, for one, want to allow the Egyptians whatever say they wish in their choice of government. Of course, I think the United States should only provide financial aid to secular, pro-democratic governments.

  21. Majid,

    The only type of democracy Sandprimate’s readers find acceptable is the kind that allows only secular, pro-Israel political parties to run.

    Is there another kind? The word “Theocracy” is not a synonym for the word “Democracy”. All democracies are secular. Whatever it is you and the MB promote for Egypt, it isn’t democracy. Which is why this is one of Sandmonkey’s readers, right here, that doesn’t support the opposition in Egypt. It’s not pro-Democracy. It’s pro-Islam, with a few random socialist and communist misfits thrown in for good measure. I realized that some time ago, while Sandmonkey was covering previous protests. Mubarak is 100% better than an MB government, in my opinion. You think things couldn’t be worse in Egypt? You’re wrong.

    I support Sandmonkey’s right to get involved politically in any way he wishes, and I support that for all Egyptians, but I oppose my country supporting the Muslim Brotherhood or it’s allies in ANY WAY. Sorry, Sandmonkey. Get something pro-democracy going and I’ll change my view.

  22. 29. Majid:

    Not true. Any kind of secular party is welcomed, as long as it’s aim is to maintain and strengthen democracy – No religious or totalitarian parties.

    We can’t actively stop Egypt from choosing something else (unless they start to pose a threat to their surroundings) but we can certainly stop any support in any way that we see fit, as is the case with Palestine…

  23. please, don’t stop helping Egypt, otherwise 70 billions people would have to emigrate towards EU ; we can’t afford that lot ! now, Egyptians are cultivared people ; it’s a vey old world which had already seen a lot of civilisations and sorts of powers, which initiated scientific knoledges, spiritual and esoteric knoledges… they will get through this desease too, just give them time ; for my sake, they are great poetic writers, with a tremendous sense of humor, see ya Maxxed ? 😆

  24. Problem with democracy is it demands educated, ‘informed’ voters. Otherwise, some sort of tyranny will likely follow. I’m afraid the average egyptian voter doesn’t qualify as educated and ‘informed’ yet, with a literacy rate of about 58% of the adult population.

  25. Okay, at this point I’m confused. I’m not sure where the argument on this blog is going. From what I see is this: (1) Egyptians don’t believe in their own efficacy; (2) Outlawing the Muslim Brotherhood will drive them underground and to more extreme methods to attain their goals (3) From what I hear, this is a move to cement Mubarak’s son’s ascension to power (no competiton, no oversight). Bush would cream in his pants if he could get something like passed in the U.S. And so why is the U.S. silent? We only believe in democracy when it benefits us – okay. Have you not gotten that message yet? Oh, and we already know – we’re hypocrits, so don’t rub it in and don’t advertise it either. And, like they say in hurricane and Tornado Alley – “be prepared,” i.e. don’t count on anyone but yourself when the shit hits the fan (and duck!)

  26. SM: Are you a member of the U.S. Democrat Party living in Dade County, Florida? If not, the Democratic National Committee wants you to help turn out the vote.

  27. Eric – you and J. Stalin

    Ronbo – the reps beat out the dems in Fla. – you won by SM’s present rules -now you reap the rewards.

  28. Everything is useless!!
    I have no clue about the solution.
    thanks for all your suggestions but nothing will make a difference.

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